Breathing the Unknown
Why can’t I breathe? Someone help me, I don’t want to die like this. Not here, not now….
Our elders tell us that being young holds the best times and memories life has to offer. However, what if your experiences could be interrupted at any time by an unknown disease, a heart disease that your doctors don’t understand or accuse you of faking. You have to change your diet, quit the sports you love, and have moments of unexpected, excruciating pain while others look upon you with fear and curiosity in their eyes. Most may not be able to begin to comprehend how this can influence your life, so I’ll take you into one of the excursions I’ve gone through with my condition.
It is a beautiful autumn day, and the leaves are covering the road in red and yellow hues as the bus driver lets off of the accelerator, the screech of its breaks beginning. The door slowly opens, revealing the grimace appearing on our wrinkled bus driver’s hollow face, her wavy auburn hair falling alongside her piercing gray gaze as she repeats with her raspy southern accent, “Hurry up and sit down. I don’t have all day.” We enter the bus one by one, the same as we do every frigid morning. The chatter becomes immediate as we sit upon the pale black seats. The bus switches back into gear and stars us on our way to school.
We are all sharing a laugh, when my condition starts to gradually worsen. With fear over taking my body, I decide it best to show no sign of pain or fright. What would come forth if I display my fear? The others would become aware and notice that something was wrong with me; I didn’t want them to know my secret or to treat me differently. So, I decided to try to disregard my current symptoms, hoping that they would soon pass over and all would be fine again.
However, the pain only becomes more severe as the minutes pass. My heart erupts, beating so rapidly that I can’t intake enough oxygen. My hands begin to prickle and become completely numb. The numbness surges through my body, overtaking my arms and face. And then it happens. My chest starts to close in, feeling as though someone is incasing my heart, trying to end its once perfect beat. The pain is unbearable. I think that I am going to die right here in this hideous black seat.
Then, my worst fear becomes a reality. Chatter starts among the bus. I faintly hear someone question in fright, “Ashley? Ashley! Are you okay?” I remember seeing the fear in their eyes, curiosity overcoming their faces. I thought to myself, nothing will ever be the same now, I’m officially known as someone who you should take pity for. After this attack, I am immediately rushed to the hospital where I am given many tests, such as an ultra sound, and I have to wear an EKG monitor for the next two months.
To this day, doctors still have not discovered what is wrong with my heart and my attacks are still continuing. I may not be in the best situation as a young adult, but as our elders tell us; being young has the best times and memories that life has to offer us, so we must have fun while we can because we never know when our last breath will be.
